Find happy hours and drink specials anywhere you are

Return Your Unwanted Gifts...For Booze

by Ryan Hudak on Dec 29, 2014 in Culture

If there is one thing that rings true every Christmas along with the family, friends, overeating, gifts, and napping, it’s that you’re going to get a gift you don’t like. Or a gift that isn’t even close to being the right size for you. The first—and easiest—instinct is always to take it back to the store it came from and exchange it for something at that store. But that’s what lazy people do—and that’s not going to get you any alcohol. We’ve put together a quick guide of your unwanted items and how to get the most bang for your (free) buck after all the wrapping paper is gone.

Socks and Underwear 
Christmas is supposed to be fun, isn’t it? If I wanted socks and underwear, I’d go buy it myself on any random Tuesday. I want something that’s going to make me happy on Christmas. Gather up any undergarments some enterprising significant other got for you and send them back—two packages should come out to right around $15. Now, take that $15 to any local bottle shop and pick yourself up a nice six-pack…or two okay six-packs. Or a really crappy case of beer. Either way, beer is better than socks.

A Tie
If you’re a dad and you have kids, you’ll probably get a tie. Hopefully the kids didn’t skimp on it and you can return it for around $30—which should be enough to get a nice case of local craft beer, or at least really offset the price of one. If not, go out and get two bottles of wine—you can find some great bottles in the $12-15 range. Good thing you got that tie for Christmas!

An Ill-Fitting Sweater 
Sure, it’s a nice sweater and it’s got a famous guy’s name on it, but the sleeves are just a little too short. Great! Sneak out later in the week and get someone else’s $60 back so you can swing up to the liquor store. Now, that nice bottle of Scotch or bourbon you’ve been eying up? Looks like Santa got you exactly what you wanted, just a little late. Or extremely early.

An Engagement Ring
When you’re done rolling your eyes, be sure to tell your “fiancée” to quit being lazy—there are about 350 days of the year that aren’t already holidays. Tell them to be original and pick one of them instead of Christmas, and then to return the ring and get you a home Brew Cave. It will show their love much more than a ring.

A New Car
You woke up on Christmas morning to find a car with a bow outside? BO-RING. You’ve already got a car, and besides—you live in the city where public transportation is the way to go and parking is a bear. Thanks for making your life more stressful! Now take that parking ticket generator back to the dealership and go nuts—get yourself a couple bottles of Pappy, a few Utopias, or The Macallan 55 year old in a Lalique Crystal Decanter, which retails for about $12,000.

A Puppy
Actually, keep the puppy. But teach it to fetch you a beer when needed.

Photo via Flickr


Tags: Beer, Cocktails, Gifts, Holiday, Spirits
Recent Articles
spacer

Feedback

How are we doing? Tell us what you like or don't like and how we can improve. We would love to hear your thoughts!

*Name:
*E-mail:
*Suggestions:
 
Shiner Beer Donates $100,000 to Hurricane Irma Relief

Shiner Beer Donates $100,000 to Hurricane Irma Relief

As hurricanes continue to devastate the US some breweries are helping out, including most recently The Spoetzl Brewery in Shiner, Texas. ...read more ›

by Alexander Frane Sep 19, 2017
Where to Celebrate Oktoberfest 2017 in D.C.

Where to Celebrate Oktoberfest 2017 in D.C.

It's time to raise a stein to the best time of the year - here's where to go for the city's best Oktoberfest-ivities....read more ›

by Lanna Nguyen Sep 19, 2017
Here's What You'll Be Drinking at Chefs for Equality, September 19

Here's What You'll Be Drinking at Chefs for Equality, September 19

On September 19, the sixth annual Chefs for Equality will convene the area's top pastry chefs, chefs and mixol...read more ›

by Lanna Nguyen Sep 18, 2017
SPONSORED
Find happy hours and drink specials anywhere you are
You Can Get Drunk on Popcorn Now, If You Really Want To

You Can Get Drunk on Popcorn Now, If You Really Want To

A U.K. based company is making alcohol-infused popcorn at 5% ABV, if you really feel compelled to get drunk off your movie snack....read more ›

by Ryan Hudak Sep 12, 2017
D.C.'s Best Local Fall Beers

D.C.'s Best Local Fall Beers

It's time to put away the summer beers and welcome back the Oktoberfests and fall seasonal brews. Here’s what you should be sipping once the season ...read more ›

by Lanna Nguyen Sep 12, 2017
A Washington Distillery Makes Pickle Vodka and We're Into It

A Washington Distillery Makes Pickle Vodka and We're Into It

Blue Spirits Distilling has created a 120-proof, pickle flavored vodka that is just begging to be poured into your next Bloody Mary....read more ›

by Jessie Donofrio Sep 12, 2017
You Can Now Drink Red Wine Out of a Forty, Just in Time for Fall

You Can Now Drink Red Wine Out of a Forty, Just in Time for Fall

If you're mourning the end of rose-in-a-forty season, don't worry: Forty Ounce Wines is now producing its first red wine in a forty, just in time for ...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Sep 11, 2017
Here's Where You'll Be Drinking in D.C. This Fall

Here's Where You'll Be Drinking in D.C. This Fall

With a new season comes new restaurants and bars to try – check out these upcoming Fall openings on our list of spots to hit....read more ›

by Lanna Nguyen Sep 6, 2017
Lagunitas Brewing Co. Has Launched a Cannabis Beer

Lagunitas Brewing Co. Has Launched a Cannabis Beer

Working with CannaCraft Inc., a cannabis-extract manufacturing facility in nearby Santa Rosa, Lagunitas created the SuperCritical Ale, flavored with t...read more ›

by Alexander Frane Sep 6, 2017
Carnival Cruise Lines has Opened the First Brewery at Sea

Carnival Cruise Lines has Opened the First Brewery at Sea

The Miami-based Carnival Cruise Lines has hopped aboard the microbrewing trend with the founding of RedFrog Brewery, the first ever craft brewery on a...read more ›

by Jessie Donofrio Sep 6, 2017
SPONSORED
View all Articles

Sign up to get weekly drinking news, bar reviews, events and more sent directly to your inbox!

Close