Top 20 'Guy Walks Into a Bar' Jokes of All Time

by The Drink Nation on Mar 31, 2016 in Culture

We’ve all heard our fair share of bar jokes. Some of them warrant a chuckle, some a groan, but we’ve come across a few that actually make us laugh. Below you’ll find 20 great takes on the classic “A guy walks into a bar…” joke.

1. Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

2. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. 

3. A guy walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says, "Hey pal, don't start anything in here." 

4. So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse has crippling depression, alcoholism is his only escape. 

5. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a pint and a mop."

6. Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve Noble Gases here." He doesn't react. 

7. A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink called Freddy?"

8. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O." The second chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20 too." The second chemist dies.

9. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20." The second chemist says, "I'll take a water too." The first chemist breaks down in tears. His assassination attempt failed.

10. A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, "Dry?" The German replies, "Nein, just one."

11. George R. R. Martin, Joss Whedon, and Steven Moffat walk into a bar, and everyone you've ever loved dies.

12. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

13. So a five dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey. This is a singles bar." 

14. A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here." "Why not?" asks the snake. "You can't hold your liquor."

15. A Roman walks into a bar, hold up two fingers, and says, "Five beers please."

16. A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”

17. So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

18. A Roman walks into a bar and says, "One martinus please." The bartender replies, "Don't you mean martini?" The Roman says, "If I wanted more than one, I would have asked."

19.Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "We don't serve your type in here." 

20. A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

Do you have a better 'Guy walks into a bar' joke? Let us hear it on Facebook or Twitter.

Recent Articles
spacer

Feedback

How are we doing? Tell us what you like or don't like and how we can improve. We would love to hear your thoughts!

*Name:
*E-mail:
*Suggestions:
 
Behind the Bar: Liana Oster of Dante

Behind the Bar: Liana Oster of Dante

For this exciting installment of Behind the Bar, we had the incredible opportunity to sit down with Liana Oster, the head bartender at Dante in New Yo...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Jan 7, 2020
Pabst Blue Ribbon Launches Blue Ribbon Whiskey in Select US Markets

Pabst Blue Ribbon Launches Blue Ribbon Whiskey in Select US Markets

PBR has launched their own whiskey. Let's keep an open mind and see what is inside this bottle....read more ›

by Carrie Dow Sep 24, 2019
The Master Sommelier Scandal is Now the Subject of a New Investigative Series

The Master Sommelier Scandal is Now the Subject of a New Investigative Series

There's a new investigative series about one of the biggest scandals to ever hit the wine world....read more ›

by The Drink Nation Sep 13, 2019
SPONSORED
Drink Nation Store Rectangle
Try These Summer Cocktails This Season in D.C.

Try These Summer Cocktails This Season in D.C.

It's officially summertime in the city, and we can't think of a better way to cool off from DC's heat and humidity than with a cold, boozy cocktail in...read more ›

by Lanna Nguyen Jul 31, 2019
Using Peas to Make Gin Might Lead to More Environmentally Friendly Spirits, Studies Show

Using Peas to Make Gin Might Lead to More Environmentally Friendly Spirits, Studies Show

Scientists may have discovered a more environmentally friendly way to make one of the world's most popular spi...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Jul 23, 2019
Drink a Classic Cocktail for a Good Cause During Negroni Week, June 24-30

Drink a Classic Cocktail for a Good Cause During Negroni Week, June 24-30

Negroni Week 2019 is June 24-30, so drink this classic cocktail for a good cause....read more ›

by The Drink Nation Jun 19, 2019
What to Do if Your Uber, Lyft, or Cab Driver Ever Strays From Your Destination or Makes You Feel in Danger

What to Do if Your Uber, Lyft, or Cab Driver Ever Strays From Your Destination or Makes You Feel in Danger

If you're taking an Uber, Lyft, or cab and feel unsafe, there are steps you can take to protect yourself....read more ›

by Nina Starner Jun 19, 2019
D.C.'s Best Wine Bars

D.C.'s Best Wine Bars

Whether you're a wino or a wine novice, DC is home to a number of wine bars perfect for casual sipping or for expanding your palate. ...read more ›

by Lanna Nguyen May 29, 2019
Behind the Bar: Kat Corbo of The Study & Winner of Speed Rack 2019

Behind the Bar: Kat Corbo of The Study & Winner of Speed Rack 2019

This time on Behind the Bar, we spoke to Kat Corbo of The Study, who recently won Speed Rack 2019....read more ›

by The Drink Nation May 15, 2019
Where to Drink Outside in D.C. During Summer 2019

Where to Drink Outside in D.C. During Summer 2019

Patio weather has arrived! Grab your friends, stake a spot at the bar and take advantage of these outdoor spots for drinking and dining. ...read more ›

by Lanna Nguyen May 14, 2019
SPONSORED
Drink Nation Home Bar Project Bottom Rectangle 2
View all Articles

Sign up to get weekly drinking news, bar reviews, events and more sent directly to your inbox!

Close