It’s February, which means it’s time for one of the year’s most divisive holidays (don’t worry I’m not talking about you, Punxsutawney Phil). Valentine’s Day has a knack for inspiring some of our most extreme emotions: it’s either a day to be lavished with kisses, snuggles and a metric ton of chocolate, or it’s a depressing reminder that your Friday night date is usually a microwave pizza and pitiful looks from your cat. Even if you’re happily paired or unpaired, isn’t this whole thing just a massive scam engineered by our overlords at Hallmark and Nestle?
 

No matter what your feelings towards the day of love are we’ve got you covered: Valentine’s Day falls on a Saturday this year, so you might as well go out and do something fun. What’s your V-Day personality?
 

I love love! This is the best day of the year!
 

If you’re going to treat someone (or yourself) for the big day, you may as well go all out on the decadence. Head to this adorable Dupont Russian spot for an extravagant Caviar Prix Fixe V-Day menu. Snuggle up amongst the kitschy mismatched pillows, and enjoy red or black caviar blinis washed down with a bottle of champagne. (1141 Connecticut Ave. NW; 202-783-7777)
 

Shaw has also got you covered for indulging. Mockingbird Hill will be serving a five-course tasting menu with sherry pairings. This Spanish fortified wine pairs deliciously with the rich flavors of the farm-to-table meal, which will include duck and fig paté, short ribs and coffee panna cotta. (1843 7th St. NW; 202-316-9396)
 

What is Valentine’s Day without champagne? Logan Circle wine bar, Cork, hosts their fifth annual V-Day champagne tasting with six different sparklers, some of which are exceedingly difficult to find. Small bites from Cork Market will keep you grounded, and staff is on hand to help you select the perfect bottle if you wish to purchase. (1720 14th St. NW; 202-265-2675)
 

There’s no rule that says wine and champagne are the only drinks for lovers. Silver Spring brewery, Denizens, will be going all out with a craft beer and chocolate pairing event. You get five pours of their excellent brews paired with five different artisanal chocolates by Puja Satiani, including dark chocolate fleur de sel caramels, caramelized nib bites and truffles inspired by Denizen's bohemian czech-style pilsner. (1115 East-West Hwy, Silver Spring, MD; 301-557-9818)
 

I hate love.
 

Bring in your ex’s clothes to donate, and you’ll get a free shot at Derek Brown’s oyster and cocktail bar. Take advantage of the late night happy hour ($1 oysters and drink specials after 11 PM), or work out some post breakup aggression with aptly named cocktails like the Archangel (gin, Averna, lemon, sugar, Miller High Life) or Diablos ‘14 (mezcal, pomegranate, celery, apple, aromatic bitters, spice tincture, lime). (1839 7th St. NW; 202-316-9396)
 

You might think that sexy speakeasy, The Gibson, would be swarmed with drinkers looking for a romantic night, but you’d be wrong—head to 14th and U for “Blues for The Broken-Hearted: The Anti-Valentine's Day Party." Dance the night away to tunes by Jonny Grave & the Tombstones, and enjoy a special cocktail menu. No details on what the exact libations will be, but rest assured The Gibson does some of the best cocktails in the city. (2009 14th St. NW; 202-232-2156)
 

It’s Saturday! I just want to have fun!
 

One thing everyone can agree on? Dance parties at the Black Cat are fun. Come out for their 16th Annual Chad America’s Valentine’s Day Rock & Roll Dance Party, and get drunk and sweaty in the name of love. DJs will be spinning 50’s and 60’s doo wop, rockabilly and blues, and the beer and whiskey will be flowing as usual. (1811 14th St. NW; 202-667-7960)
 

I love...Christian Grey!
 

In case you forgot, Valentine’s Day weekend is also when the “50 Shades of Grey” movie will be unleashed on the world. In honor of this dubious cinematic event, this new theater in Bethesda is is offering a "bondage-inspired cocktail" called Red Room of Pain, made with tequila, Hum liqueur and ginger syrup. The drink is served with a pair of fluffy handcuffs if you order one on the 14th. (11830 Old Georgetown Rd., North Bethesda, MD; 301-231-2300)